Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
