I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We had sex on a dog bed..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize