you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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