remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize