Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
