Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
