Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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