So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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