Got a toothbrush?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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