Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
