You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Its about making memories worth repressing
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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