found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
