How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
