I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
