1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
