IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
