He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
