i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
