I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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