Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
