i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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