Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
