it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Your penis caused this!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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