I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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