He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
