my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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