imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
