I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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