I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
