I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
