I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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