its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
