Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
