u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
