Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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