I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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