is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
