this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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