So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
