i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
