He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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