I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
