After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
