he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
