I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
