my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize