Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
