I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
do herpes really smell.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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