I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
