the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize