I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
