FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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