So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
