dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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