he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
