i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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