Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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