I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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