I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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