i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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