my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
