I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
