So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
