So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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