If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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