Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
