If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
