i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
