Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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