We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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