i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
