i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
