Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
