If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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