Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
