Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
