"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
