Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
