you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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