I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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