I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just pee around me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
