and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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