I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
