i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize