If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
