Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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