A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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