some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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